Box Office Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega (A Satire) !!

Hello readers, Abki Baar Mera Hahakar —> Ha…Ha…Ha…Ha.

So, to start my second installment with my Chuddy – Buddies Just Showbiz, I was looking for very obvious story line (Shhhh….don’t tell them). Guess what, a film promotion caught my tension….errr ….I meant attention.

Our intolerance nullifies when it comes to Bollywood and we intentionally got involved in playing an unintentional role in making a mountain out of a mole. Why? Because offensive language, attitude gives us utmost pleasure like a glass of water does when you are parched. Coming back to the point, after not so deeply churning the box office trends, I have few tips for a good Indian Box Office Block Busters. The list is in no particular order. #DareNotToLaugh and #DoNotUseYourTinyMinyBrain.

1. Film should NOT have a story line.

2. Film should be of very big banner and big star cast is MOST IMPORTANT.

3. Producer should have money to shoot in FOREIGN LOCATIONS.

4. One controversy is a must while promoting, if it doubles, triples…not an issue. MORE THE MERRIER.

5. Political issues sells fast, so it’s extremely important to have at least one issue which reaches to Parliament.

6. If some one sues you, please, make sure you do a press release of that proving yourself again and again (and one more again for maximum gain) innocent.

7. Release the film on Indian festivals.

8. You must talk polished NEGATIVITY for the banner competing with you at box-office.

9. Make sure you have a triangular love story with fourth angle open (for sex, shoulder to cry on, support and if nothing then for an item number.)

10. Censor plays a very prominent role in publicity of a film. The more cuts, the more publicity. Try to inculcate few intimate scenes, not so decent language and unbearable, unreasonable violence. With every cut, publicity graph of film goes up. (Hint – Never ever in your life forget press releases for that.)

11. Release each scene and every song on social media and tell the whole industry to spread, tweet and retweet it to the extent that one day even Twitter says, “Enough, I am tired now…hummfff hummff” and you reply in Tiger Shroff style, “Abhi toh maine start kiya hai”.

12. If you are starting your film shoot in recent times, make sure you do have one very popular Pakistani actor. Their role will eventually got cut/cancelled but they definitely give you ultra tons of box office publicity.

13. Please spread the news of  make-up/break up/bromance/etc.etc.etc with proof. If you don’t have then create it. Trust me, you can!! because you are from creative field.

Unfortunate number thirteen always bring blessings of Almighty at box office. Finally, before I say ciao, let my Chuddy-Buddies know how much you yawn on this boredom filled session.


Do write me (personally ;)) on :- mrssaltpepper@gmail.com

You can directly offend me on :- https://twitter.com/MrsSaltPepper

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